Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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