Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
