Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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