WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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