im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
