A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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