OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
