Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
