I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
