I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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