I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
