im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Send help, water and tortillas.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
