PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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