I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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