I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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