So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
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This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
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There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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