His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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