Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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