you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
