so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
