If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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