is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
