is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
