I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
