Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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