Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
