True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
