Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My bed smells like the plague
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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