I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
