omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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