I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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