I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
