Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
