They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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