WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
