your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dual....:-)
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
