I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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