You can't special order awesome
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
