oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am one with the molecules
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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