you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
