my mouth tastes like poor choices
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
