DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
