fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
