I didn't shave. On purpose
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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