we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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