69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize