I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
