she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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