you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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