Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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