So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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