I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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