Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
