so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
