I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
