she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Actions speak louder than pants.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I touched a dick in church today
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
