I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
