I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
vagina is talking i cant
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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