Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
