and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
