I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
