I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
