Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
