I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
