I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
