I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
