you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
